foreplay or make balloon animals, you know. there's a lot you can do. hey, thank you guys very much. you're fantastic. captioning made possible by comedy central. captioned by mccaptioning services www.mccaption.com >> jon: hey, everybody!

welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight, liam neeson, the star of "taken, 2: the tookning." (laughter) continuing with our lineup of guests that are three times the size of me. (laughter) who did we have on last night? who was on the show last night? schwarzenegger! i don't watch this show so -- (laughter). schwarzenegger. we had -- amar'e stoudemire, liam nissan, oe kwraoeully. there's not one guest this pass month whose ass i can kick. (laughter) does dr. ruth still do shows? (laughter) let's begin tonight with the urgent issue of in-person voter fraud which, by all accounts, is nonexistent but nevertheless -- (laughter). a major concern for all americans. particularly in swing states controlled by republican legislatures like pennsylvania's voter i.d. law.

what is the purpose of that law again pennsylvania's republican house majority leader? >> voter i.d. which is going to allow governor romney to win the state of pennsylvania. done. >> jon: but hey -- (laughter). -- this is just between us chickens, right? huh? i mean, when the mics and the cameras go on pick a lock, you know what i'm talking about? pick a lock. what's that red -- okay, so it's on. as it turns out, the voter i.d. laws ostensibly set up to stop nonexistent inn-person voter fraud have the residual effect of disenfranchising and suppressing actual eligible voters. disproportionately of the minority, poor, and elderly variety or, as they are sometimes known, democrats. (laughter) of course, that law has been challenged in the courts and we are expecting a ruling -- (laughter). all right, just roll the ruling. >> we have breaking news right

now. a judge has issued a decision in pennsylvania's controversial voter i.d. law. >> jon: all those without voter i.d. must gay marry whilst on medical marijuana during the first trimester! there, i (bleep)ing settled everything! (cheers and applause) it's all done! (cheers and applause) all right. what did the actual judge rule? >> the judge today put a hold on that new voter i.d. state law. >> what the judge says here is i'm just not convinced in my predictive judgment that there won't be any voter disenfranchisement arising out of this new law. >> jon: first of all, disenfranchisement. (laughter) second of all, typical liberal judge! striking down a perfectly hypothetical solution for fear of the real harm that it does. (laughter) show me one person who this law

would disenfranchise. >> bill internicola, a 91-year-old army veteran of world war ii who earned the bronze star and legion of honor for his service is one of the voters targeted by the state as a potential noncitizen. >> jon: puh! bronze star! oh, what did he come in third in the war? (laughter and applause) did he -- didn't even win a silver or gold in the war. all right, fine. that very sweet courageous elderly man. show me two people! >> 68-year-old doris clark was turned down three times applying for her pennsylvania voter i.d. card and every time, she says, the state wanted another document. >> you feel like why am i going through all these things? i'm not bin laden's wife. you know? (laughter) (cheers and applause)

>> jon: who said anything about bin laden? (laughter) by the way, with that comment, you would be bin laden's widow. (laughter) sorry, i'm not going to really believe these laws persecute anybody until it affects somebody from television. i.e., a real american. >> yesterday jim cramer, cnbc's popular host, told his half million twitter followers his elderly father "won't be allowed to vote because he does not drive. he is elderly and can't prove his citizenship." >> jon: i hate knowing jim cramer has a father! (laughter) well, i hope he and his father are both sitting down because jim cramer also has a long-lost brother! yes! louis c.k.! you are jim cramer's long-lost brother! (applause) louis c.k . the "c.k." stands

for "cramer kin." (laughter) for more on this issue we're joined by senior black correspondent larry wilmore. larry, thank you so much for joining us. (cheers and applause) larry, these -- these voter i.d. laws as we see could potentially disenfranchise thousands of voters. your reaction? >> yeah, jon, on behalf of black people i need to apologize to america. obviously these laws were meant to suppress the black vote, which has gone 95% for obama but it wound up hurting innocents like jim cramer's dad. (laughter) so sorry, old people. that (bleep) was meant for us, not for you. (laughter) >> jon: it's not -- it's not your fault. it's -- okay, so i shouldn't have -- sorry. >> look, jon, in the world of voter suppression black folks are the delicious tuna.

(laughter) irresistible. world war ii veterans and grandmas are just the innocent dolphins who get pulled up in the net. (laughter). >> jon: um -- in your mind where did these laws go wrong? >> right, well, look. they're too indirect. you can't just make a law and hope it disproportionately affects black people! (laughter) i mean, you have to make sure it disproportionately affect as black people! and not just on paper. racism works best in person. distrust but verify. (laughter). >> jon: like a cop pulling you over for, like, a d.w. b. (laughter) >> sorry, what's that, jon? >> jon: a d.w.b., you know, like a -- driving while black. (laughter) >> did you just learn that phrase, stkpwhro *pb. >> jon: no! no! yeah. um -- cat williams special. >> yeah.

d.w. b. what are you down with the brothers now, stkpwhro *pb. >> what? what? is down good? >> just drop the slang and step away, jon. >> jon: all right, all right. but you're right. when a cop does a d.w.b. -- (laughter). -- he can see you're black. but when you purge elvira washington from the voter rules, that sounds black but you don't know. it's like being pulled over by a blind cop. (laughter) you know? he hears your hip-hop music, how's he suppose to know you're a jewish kid from oberlin? (applause) >> jon: but, look, the whole thing -- he's not supposed to know. the whole thing is a farce. in-person voter fraud doesn't exist. it's like outlawing new york met world series celebrations. it doesn't -- (laughter). >> there you go, jon. >> jon: all right. >> actually, voter fraud laws have given me a great idea. >> jon: what is that?

>> voter fraud. (laughter) i urge black people to vote early and often. (laughter) and then late, okay? now, it's going to take a concerted get out the fraud effort. >> jon: are you sure, larry, you want to come in on national television and advocate breaking the law? >> it's basic cable, it's not national television. besides, you call it breaking the law. i call it making up for lost time. all those years we counted as three-fifths of a person while we were doing ten-fifths of the work? (laughter) >> jon: i don't understand fractions. (laughter) >> how old is this country, stkpwhro *pb. >> jon: about 240? >> how long have black people been allowed to vote? >> jon: about 150. >> in alabama? >> about 48. >> jon: exactly. now we've got to keep extra voting until we catch up. here's tips to help black people

extra vote for the first time. okay? first, confidence. now, remember, these polling stations are staffed by sweet old white ladies. use that (bleep)! (laughter) oh, yeah, yeah, just walk in tall, yeah, that's me right there, mildred higgins. (laughter). >> jon: right, yeah, you're mildred higgins, sure, yeah, right. >> you got a problem with that? >> jon: no, go ahead, you can go right there. that's fine. >> which brings us to tip two: : intimidation. >> jon: oh, that's nice, i get that. >> see how i did that? i need to vote? where's my ballot? >> jon: wow, you're right, that is intimidating. >> come on, jon, you're such a sweet old white lady, jon. >> jon: thank you, larry. on the off chance yelling doesn't work. >> again, we're dealing with the elderly. they don't see so well so you can always use the art of disguise. >> jon: oh, yeah, right, the art of disguise is going to make sure that people -- hey, where'd

larry go. i was just talking to larry about voter fraud. >> what larry? i'm luigi, i want my ballot and some dinner! >> jon: all right, i'm sorry, i'll try to find a ballot for you -- oh, geez! larry! good to have you back, i was just talking with an asian gentleman. (laughter) >> was my accent that bad? >> jon: it was terrible. i really think you should stick with intimidation. >> you're probably right. get me another ballot, i (bleep)ed this one up! (laughter) larry wilmore, everybody. we'll be right xngvc@c@

>> jon: on november 6, americans will go to the polls to choose either barack obama or milton romney as our next president. (laughter) but what if-- what if-- it had

been cain? (laughter) john oliver has more in this continuing series. >> in october of 2011, herman cain led the polls for the republican presidential nomination. tragically, america was denied a herman cain presidency, but recently i sat down with mr. cain for a series of conversations to explore some of the tough decisions he would have faced in office. tonight, china. >> we currently owe china approximately $1.5 trillion. >> holy (bleep). (laughter) >> yes, that's a problem. the american people should not only be concerned about this amount of debt, they should be frightened because of this amount of debt. >> they should be bat (bleep) terrified. >> absolutely b.s. terrified.

>> should we at least be learning chinese at this point, mr. president? try this, ni hoa. >> you might offend them if you only no one word. >> well, try this one. (speaking chinese) >> (speaking chinese) now what is that? >> that's actually not chinese, that's just some noises that sound like chinese but the point is if we start learning those first they might actually get us somewhere. >> i don't think they care if we learn chinese or not. they only care if we are able to pay back the debt that we owe them. >> the crisis. mr. president, china is demanding that the u.s. pay back its debt in full immediately. failure to do so will bring on financial apocalypse. you need to look into that camera and convince the people of china that we are good to pay back that debt.

(laughter) >> why you gotta play me like that, china? (laughter) when you loaned that money to my predecessors did you really think you were going to get it back? i will pay you back because i'm a man of honor. >> jon:. >> china's not budgeting but we have just had the results back from your latest presidential physical and it turns out you have telepathic powers. look into that camera and convince the chinese that they need to step down. (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> it's your move. >> jon: next time on "herman cain, an american presidency," science. >> herman cain ain't no clone. (laughter) >> john oliver=w

>> jon: welcome back! my guest tonight, his new movie is called "taken 2." >> where's mom? >> she's fine. she's not far. >>s where she? >> come on, kim, move! >> where are we going? >> we have to go to the embassy. >> i'm not sure i can. >> you know how to shoot? >> no. >> then drive.

> that's why you should take the subway. (laughter) please welcome back to the program liam neeson. (cheers and applause) how you been? >> thank you. congratulations. >> jon: thank you. oh, the emmy thing? very kind of you to say. a gentleman in the audience tonight wanted to know why i didn't receive an emmy for my work on "the faculty." (laughter) which is the wrong question on so many different levels. (laughter) that -- that was the kind of thing "taken 2" what type of awards do you think -- are there

awards for kicking so much ass in a movie? (laughter) the assies, maybe? >> there's an idea. >> jon: what did they take this time? the last time they took your daughter. >> well, i don't want to spoil it too much with the audience but -- >> jon: family? whole family? >> family. all of us. >> jon: let me ask you this: so the first movie they take your daughter. okay that can happen to anybody. (laughter) but by the second time once they take your family, i'm starting to think you guys are irresponsible. (laughter) i'm starting to think that this is an issue of lack of personal control. >> it's bad parenting. and you're right, what's wrong with the subway system? (laughter). >> jon: by the way, where was that taxi -- where was that -- >> istanbul in turkey. >> jon: so in istanbul. so if your daughter, an american woman, is driving a taxi in istanbul do they go "these foreign drivers"? >> there's a little bit of that, yeah. >> jon: du howe did you like istanbul. >> it's a beautiful place.

>> jon: i would love to go there. >> it's a really amazing city. >> jon: had you been there previously? >> i'd never been but i read up about it. you know; it used to be constantinople, the gateway from the west to the east. it's incredible culture and history. >> jon: do they have chick-fil-a? (laughter) what are the kinds of -- do you immerse yourself in the local culture? what was your favorite food that you had? >> actually, you know what my favorite food was? it was a chicken wrap every night. >> jon: chicken wrap every night. >> yes. >> jon: you're a man of simple pleasures. >> very simple. >> jon: was it turkish? was there something about it -- >> it was kind of a little spice to it. >> jon: cumin. it's cumin. >> it wasn't cumin. >> jon: no, it's cumin. it's cumin. (laughter) believe me, i read an awful lot about -- it's cumin. (laughter) >> i'm not sure. >> jon: leaves a little bit of that -- >> yeah, a little bit of that. (laughter) leaves your teeth a little bit yellow, too, actually. >> jon: did you ever see

"midnight express"? >> i did, yeah. >> jon: i am always afraid that i'll go to turkey and as i'm leaving, like, they'll pull my shirt up and i'll have like for no reason hash bricks. (laughter) strapped to my stomach. i just -- because that movie to this day -- >> it's scary. >> jon: -- freaks me out. >> i watched it quite recently, too. >> jon: did you really. >> it packs a punch. >> jon: what were you up late? >> exactly, 3:00 in the morning, you can't sleep and it comes on you're like, oh, yeah. (laughter). >> jon: you know what movie that is for me? i have seen "shaw shawshank redemption like" maybe -- have you seen it? i've seen "shawshank redemption 700 times." >> 3:00 in the morning. >> jon: right, when i can't sleep. >> it's a good movie, isn't it? and i watched that with my eldest son maybe five weeks ago. it came on and we both looked at each other and went "yeah, let's

watch this." it has that effect. >> jon: you and the boy sit up and watch t.v. late at night? do you hang out like friends? >> yeah, sometimes. the weekends, of course. >> jon: you get along. >> yeah. >> jon: how old? what are we dealing with? >> 16 and 17. >> jon: and they still like you? because they say that that's when the turn happens. like 14, 15, 16 is when the turn happens and they kind of get a little like "dad, i'm not watching that movie, that's a stupid movie." like that kind of -- they don't give the attitude? >> i don't get that from them. >> jon: is that because you're 6' 5? (laughter) >> 6' 4. doesn't matter. >> jon: yeah, it matters. (laughter) no, it's good, it's good. >> they wear my shoes. >> jon: how big are these kids? >> i'm wearing a 12 so they're -- they're getting up to six feet. >> jon: let me tell you this. i would not peg you as a 12, quite frankly. that -- for a man of 6' 4 and a broad-based man, that's like having little baby feet. that's not --

(laughter). i'm surprised you didn't fall over walking out here. i didn't realize. you've got no center of gravity. (laughter) when we go to commercial, i may have a go at you. (laughter) i may get in low -- (laughter). you still wrestle the boys? >> oh, yeah. >> jon: you still rough house? >> you have to do that. >> jon: i love doing that because they're eight and six so i'm -- >> oh, perfect. >> jon: i'm totally kicking their ass. (laughter) >> it's when you hear "dad, chase me" and they're 16 years of age. >> jon: (laughs) "chase me, i've got wings!" (laughter) "taken 2" is in the theaters on friday. "taken 3 --" (laughter) all right. liam neeson, everybody. (cheers and applause) xngvc@c@

(cheers and applause) >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at